Until It's Beautiful

by Everything in Pen

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credits

released September 2, 2015

All songs by Elizabeth Hubbard

Elizabeth Hubbard: vocals, acoustic guitar, piano, keys, bass, percussion
Alexi Glickman: electric guitar, bass, piano, keys, drums, backup vocals

Produced by Alexi Glickman
Recorded at Magic West, Mill Valley
Mastered by Kenny Woods

Album Art and Design by Chris Koehler


Everything in Pen thanks
Alexi
Vernon, Chris
Sarah
Adrian, Ariana, Catherine, Claire, Drew
Mom, Dad and the Hubbard Archambault family
Mike, Ronen, Denise, Marlowe, Lynn & Herb, Karen Nelson, Lori & Adam, Erin, Alegria, Stevon, Ko, Jane Austen, Jeffrey Eugenides, John Irving, Barbara Kingsolver, Jon Kabat-Zinn, Howard Zinn, public libraries, late night bookstores, Baker Beach

for Hazel who knows the sound of everything

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all rights reserved

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about

Everything in Pen San Francisco

Combining the pop sensibility of Big Star and narrative observations of Jonathan Richman and Aimee Mann, Everything in Pen’s songs cover many topics---war criminals, sexism, and Dave Eggers--through her unique lens as an obsessive reader. She sings the things you won’t say aloud, of the foolishness, the hopefulness and the almost unbearable humanness of us all. ... more

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Track Name: Until It's Beautiful
You know it takes all my strength
Not to fall to the floor
To wait till the sun goes down
When everyone can fall somehow

It’s nothing personal
This fortress I’ve made
Just a sheet on a table, dear
So easily cleared away
And every morning’s a memory of a fairy tale
Where everyone is ordinary

Until it’s beautiful
Maybe not quite so literal
Listen closely but do not
Do not

Yes I remember when
The givens stayed the same
Imagination was the only thing missing
It’s the only thing that I can have
Until these words won’t make any sense
Trace their shape until I don’t recognize it

Until it’s beautiful
Maybe not quite so literal
Listen closely but do not mind
Track Name: Writ Large
Yes I understand where the impulse might come from
When something this big hits
You might just want some skywriting
But I don’t
No I don’t

Writ large it has less meaning
Writ large it loses feeling
And I want all of this
To register somewhere I can’t miss

Cause what everybody feels but never says
Is there’s enough space here to drown out everything
We’ll need the narrow ruled paper
Sharpened pencils to write our fate in

There’s still edges
If we want them
For transgression
When we want it

Writ large it has less meaning
Writ large it loses feeling
And I want all of this
To register somewhere I can’t miss

Cause it’s unreasonable to know how we get there
But is it possible to say the end is clear
We’ll take the grammar that we’ve expected
Bend it slowly in our fashion
Semicolons to build connection
Oxford commas for clarification

Writ large it has less meaning
Writ large it loses feeling
And I want all of this
To register somewhere I can’t miss
Track Name: The Ambitious One
I don’t want to be the ambitious one
Chasing after every rabbit that I stumble on
You think I might be that naïve
But I don’t want to lose all my hope in this
Drown in logical objectives that are infinite
You think I might be that naïve
Only believe in what I see
See it’s a long way down

I don’t want to be the ambitious one
Shed my sorrow like an oyster
Collect all I’ve found
You think my head is in the sand
I don’t need to be your idea of fun
Running after everywhere for someplace you belong
You think my head is in the sand
You want to see all you command
See it’s a long way down
Track Name: Happy Ending
Old friends late night
Same face new light
I’ve been there too

Where it’s not our fault
Laugh and get caught up
That’s why they say unconditional

This is the happy ending
Nobody’s telling you what part
You know that every prince has dragons yet to slay
Every picket fence has to get made

Flowers heartstrings
What of these things
They might be for anyone
Twilight Austen
Those are nice thoughts
But I won’t put my faith in them

This is the happy ending
Nobody’s telling you what part
You know that every prince has dragons yet to slay
Every picket fence has to get made
Track Name: One Part Rapture
This feeling is one part rapture
This feeling is one part free
Innocence has no part in this
Once you understand how easy recklessness can be

Then leaving is one part rapture
Leaving is one part free
Innocence has no part in this
Once you understand how easy recklessness can be

How they admire their steadfast lives
Till the day hope goes out of stock
How they admire their steadfast lives
While my heart has one instruction left
Run

I know I’m not the first one
Who looks at damage and calls it something else
I’ve felt this tightness in my chest
Now I’m gonna call it bliss

Leaving is one part rapture
Leaving is one part free
Innocence has no part in this
Once you understand how easy recklessness can be

How they admire their steadfast lives
Till the day hope goes out of stock
How they admire their steadfast lives
While my heart has one instruction left
Run
Track Name: There Were Lies
It seems there were lies
I was told they were true
I was told they were facts
I was told to recite them
And write them all down in five paragraphs
If I could

And when I was young
I was told to be proud of the place we came from
Cause we founded it
We found it
I never quite knew what that meant and I’m less sure now

And if the victors get all the words
Isn’t that what I’m doing now
It must be somebody’s else’s turn
But I find that I’m not done

Where I come from we all know everyone
It’s a lie that we tell
It protects us, deflects us
Cause if we don’t know who you are
Then you don’t belong

When I’m in the street sometimes I hear my name
And I think I’ve forgotten
Though I’ve never met them
As if I were something to say
Though I am rarely there

And if the victors get all the words
Isn’t that what I’m doing now
It must be somebody else’s turn
But I find that I’m not done

It seems there were lies
But I took them as true
I rejected the facts
I accepted the story
That there wasn’t anyone else
In our City on the Hill.
Track Name: Picture in a Frame
I don’t wanna be a type
Don’t wanna be a picture in a frame
I don’t wanna be the life that you imagined
When you were still a kid
There’s nothing wrong with dreaming
But I don’t fit
You let go so well that it’s like I don’t exist

And your friends keep telling me
You look so happy together
But I know I’ve got nothing that he needs
And your friends keep asking me
How come you’re not together
But I know I’ve got nothing that he needs

And he’s moved past the place where happy even matters
Where happy is a question you can ask
And he won’t see me
So he never has to answer for this

I don’t wanna be a type
Don’t wanna be a picture in a frame
I don’t wanna be the person behind the person behind the name
There’s nothing wrong with dreaming
But I don’t fit
You let go so well that it’s like I don’t exist
Track Name: Former Mr Snuffleupagus
Former Mr. Snuffleupagus
I see you walking down the street
I imagine you’re in Brooklyn
Though I don’t know why that is

Former Mr. Snuffleupagus
Is it sunny where you live
Then perhaps you’re in Los Angeles
But I don’t see you happy there
And I wonder if you’ve ever shed your skin
Cause I’m questioning whose I’m living in

Former Mr. Snuffleupagus
You’re a degree or two removed
Playing someone who’s invisible
In a costume
Who can tell

If you ever had a sick day
Does the back become the front
Are there scores of understudies waiting for this time to come
Still I wonder if you’ve ever shed your skin
Cause I’m questioning whose I’m living in

Former Mr. Snuffleupagus
Are those the first words you say
When they ask you for credentials
To legitimize your pay
Former Mr. Snuffleupagus
I bet the getup got you down
They had to fan you between takes through your mouth
It got so hot
Still I wonder if you ever shed your skin
Cause I’m questioning whose I’m living in

Former Mr. Snuffleupagus
Who are you now?
Track Name: The Witching Hour
It’s the witching hour time of year
I know to stay inside
I should not go out there
Where I’m far too likely to become
Somehow entwined with any one of you
Who should not be on my mind
I can’t be trusted

You know this game
So you’ll wait it out
Let curiosity follow a calendar
Did I see something you once saw
Some moment we once had
Is this your part of town
However I got here I won’t get out

When all the days are like before
When every moment’s circular
When the heart is uninvolved
When peripheries dissolve
Still the body holds anniversaries

So let me lose all track of time
Don’t watch the flowers die
Don’t watch the fall arrive
Do not feel the fog roll in down to my bones
My pulse is quickening
No telling what I’ll do if I stay this alone
In the witching hour
Track Name: Codependent Lover
Well I don’t understand the problem
Cause we worked so hard to draw all of the lines
Like when he tells me it’s forever
I know to hear that I will keep this little secret again tonight
But he thinks we’ve issues worth exploring
He thinks it might take some time

Cause whatever I want to do
That’s what he wants to do
Everybody wins
So when are you coming over
My codependent lover
Everybody wins

But he’s been making things more complicated
Than I ever wanted any of this to be
And anyway he’s always telling me
The only thing he wants to know is just exactly how I feel
I feel we’ve issues worth exploring
I think it might take some time

Cause whatever I want to do
That’s what he wants to do
Everybody wins
So when are you coming
My codependent lover
Everybody wins

So I don’t ever worry what he’s thinking
Cause he’s thinking
I wonder what she is thinking
I don’t ever worry what he’s wanting
Cause he’s wanting me

And whatever I am into
That’s what he is into
Everybody wins
So when are you coming over
My codependent lover
Everybody wins
Track Name: Steubenville/Play the Memory
I don’t want to carry a gun
Don’t want to have to know how to use one
I don’t want to learn how to hurt you
To keep you from hurting me more

Last thing I knew
You said you’d get me home
Now I am responsible for the fear you caused

Person after person tries to say
They didn't realize that it was wrong
To shame and to humiliate, to slander, to broadcast
To ignore

Wasn’t it you who said you’d get me home
Now I am responsible but the choice was yours
And I’m less sure
Of anyone, of everyone

Play the memory back I’m not afraid
Play the memory back I’m not afraid
Play the memory back I’m not afraid
Find me the darkest place
I want the wildest place
Give me the hardest place

Make a blanket of sticks and leaves
Rest my back up against this tree
Leave the traces they still won’t find me
Leave the traces they still won’t find me

Where the streetlights won’t make a sound
The periphery stays unknown
Where the rumors cannot be true
Where the rumors cannot be

Play the memory back I’m not afraid
Play the memory back I’m not afraid
Play the memory back I’m not afraid
Find me the darkest place
I want the wildest place
Give me the hardest place

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